I Didn't Realize How Much The Kids Would Teach Me

The school I work in this year has several severely handicapped children as well as one child who was recently handicapped by a car accident. While I spent my time in college my goal was to get out in the world and help children, but it didn't really dawn on me that they would be teaching me too. This one little girl is such an inspiration and so humbling. Last year her family was in a terrible car accident. She was only in the 3rd grade. She was paralyzed from the chest down and lost her grandmother who was her significant parental figure. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to cope with such losses particularly if you're a young child. Yet, every day I see her with a giant smile on her face. She has embraced her new life, it appears, with such grace and dignity. Many of us adults admit that we wouldn't probably handle such a loss as well as she appears to be doing. She is inspirational.

Whenever I get angry or upset about something that has happened in my life, I remind myself that I still have a lot. I must be thankful. Because like this young girl, things can change in the blink of an eye.

We've Got To Have Goals

As we embark on the 2011-2012 school year I would hope many, if not all of you, are thinking about what you want to get out of it. Regardless of what you're doing or where you are it's good to have some idea of what you want to accomplish in a year even if it's something as small as remembering to pick up your dirty clothes every day...or week...for some it could be every month! But I digress. The point here is that each year I have some idea of what I want to accomplish. Last year as an intern it was things like:

• Don't cry in front of your boss
• Don't die
• Try not to look like an incompetent fool
• Be organized (still working on this one)
• Don't let fear keep you from trying something new that you might actually be good at

Other than the organization I think I did a pretty good job on my goals last year. I did cry in front of my boss, but it was for a good reason so I still count that one as a win. I managed to surprise myself with how prepared I truly was to get out on my own as a School Psychologist. I didn't die, obviously. (Unless of course I'm writing this from beyond....oooooh)  I didn't have too many opportunities where I might look like an incompetent fool and when I did I got through it by just knowing it was okay to say "I don't know". That is a shining point of teamwork for sure! One doesn't have to know EVERYTHING! It is okay to be human. And then we have the fear, which was with me almost every day, but I didn't let it keep me from trying new things.

Some of my fears were things like, "Did I do enough for this child?" "Could we have done more?" "Did we make the right decision?" and of course "Do people like me?" I think those fears will probably stick with me throughout my practice. At least I hope they do. I do this job to make a difference in the lives of others (hopefully a positive difference) and if I didn't worry about those things I probably wouldn't be serving my students the way they deserve to be served. The one about people liking me though...well that's debatable.  As an intern you do want that. You want everyone to like you and be nice because, well, let's face it, we're scared and fragile little graduate students who are rummaging in unknown territory. There's a lot to learn in the first year and that in and of itself can be downright petrifying. But do we need people to like us? I'm not sure I have a solid answer for you yet. I'll most likely get back to you on that. The reason being is that one of my goals for this next year is to learn to be the bad guy. I'm not looking forward to it really. For some reason it's hard for me to tell people the critical truth even if I do say it as nicely as I possibly can. Fact is I'm telling them something they don't want to hear and they will more than likely hold a grudge against me for it. This happened to me with a couple individuals over last school year. I tested the waters of being the bad guy, but it was easier for me with those people because I didn't really like them to begin with. So, it was easier because I didn't care if they didn't like me. I was following the law, policy, and what is best for the child. I don't bend there. They didn't like it and so I created some enemies. But lucky for them, and for me, I won't be working at their school this year (not so lucky for the students though).

This year is going to be a whole new ball game. My assignment has changed and I will now be working in only one district.  This year I am going to have to take the risk of being the bad guy with people I do care about. That's going to be hard. I work very closely with some of the people I'm needing to offer constructive criticism to so there's a real fear that they can't be professional and they'll create drama, which is what happened last year. I don't like drama and not only do I find it to be extremely counterproductive, but also harmful to the potential success of our students. However, I know that unless I say something nothing will change. So, this is the pickle I am both excited and leery to see unfold over the next school year.

In the end it boils down to one realization. I've worked almost my whole life to have the power to make a positive impact in the lives of others. Now, I have it.  And I must always use it with skill and grace. What a powerful and incredible avenue I've been given in this life. And it's only just begun.

I have several goals for this year even though I've really only talked about one thus far. Some goals are large and long term, others are small and easily achievable, but we must always have something to work towards. I will close with a quote that I find inspiration in every day.

 "What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others." - Pericles

I hope someone else out there can find as much inspiration in these words as I have. Now go out in the world and do good.