Lately, I've been really frustrated. I've felt defeated and unheard. I've battled with myself on "ethics & morals" versus "what is right or wrong simply as it is defined by law." I'm realizing the extent of my naivety. I once thought that professionals actually had ethics, believed in them, and followed them like personal law. Ethics is stressed so much in our training programs. I just assumed that people really believed in doing what is right. I have found myself in many moments of a "reality check" related to this issue. The reality is that people like me are the minority. Granted, I've only been working in one place so far. So, I'm just hoping that it's not as bad in other places. I'm hoping that not all the world is corrupt and heartless.
Another realization I've come to lately is that people working in a helping profession feel helpless a lot more than I had anticipated. As our economy continues to implode and people continue to lose their jobs, the stress of it all trickles down to the children. Then those children go to school feeling angry, helpless, sad, and confused. Some parents are at least helpful enough to make an effort in the home environment to help their children but most are not. It is a hard reality to face when we can only do as much as we can while we have these children a few hours a day, then they go home and we start all over again the following day. It takes a lot of courage and perseverance to keep on keeping on in this field of work. Sometimes at the end of the day, once I'm alone, I cry. It's all I can do to put on a happy face for these children. They need that more than anything. They need someone who will always be super excited to see them; give them high fives, hugs, and unconditional positive regard. But sometimes I have to pull them out of a dark place or calm them from a rage. This is both physically and emotionally exhausting and it's all I can do to not break down crying in front of them. It hurts me to see such little children be in so much emotional turmoil. It's just not right, they shouldn't have to deal with the things they have to deal with. But I keep doing what I do because the little successes are so powerful. I keep doing it because I could never be content sitting idly by watching people suffer. I have to do something even if all it is is making a someone smile.
I love my job, don't get me wrong. I absolutely wouldn't want to do anything else. But there are a lot more challenges to this than I thought. I'm learning every single day. I love that too, but sometimes it's a hard lesson I have to learn.
I've also decided that I will start closing each blog with a profound quote. Words of others often provide me with comfort and inspiration. By sharing them I hope someone else finds inspiration and comfort as well.
“Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
