My Mama Always Said There'd Be Days Like These

Today I put my hand in a puddle of pee, got spit flicked at me, last week I got scratched and bit.  There was one student in the office screaming his lungs out, 3 kids in the seclusion rooms beating the crap out of the doors, and I got to be right smack in the middle of it all.  The thing is though, I didn't have a "bad" day per se.  I helped kids today.  I helped one little guy who had an accident, I helped another student calm down from a fit of rage, and I did a kindergarten screening.

I realize this is short, but I've worked my brain so much today that the previous paragraph is all I can come up with.  It also comes with a great big smile and a fullfilling sense of accomplishment.  Who knew I'd ever be happy about accidently putting my hand in a puddle of urine.

1,032 Students is 1,032 Opportunities to Learn

Again I have allowed my blogging times to be too long in between. I've had a lot going on.  By the time I get home and quit working my brain has turned to mush.

I serve 1.5 districts.  One whole district and the elementary/middle school in another.  My base school is the elementary/middle school.  (I call that my happy place.) Combined I serve approximately 1,032 students.    I can sum up some of the most profound things I've learned thus far.

1. I like working in elementary/middle school (E/MS) ages more than high school ages.  The E/MS students (for the most part) already treat you with respect when you walk in the door.  They like you without knowing you and will surprise you with how open they are despite the fact that they don't know you.  High school students hate you the second you walk in and you have to either work hard to earn their respect or just try to avoid them.  I haven't decided which one I plan on doing yet.  I'm afraid that this might be more of a talent than a skill, and I may not have the talent to work well with this age group.  Time will tell......

2. Be careful about what you say, when you say it, and who you're saying it to!  Thus far I haven't stuck my foot in my mouth yet, but I've come close many times.  Let's hope I learn from these almost oopsies.

3. Every morning I hit the ground running and work until I can't work anymore...why?  Because I love this job so much!

4. Systems Change and Buy-In are the most difficult things to get in this job.

There's a lot more I've learned, but honestly I don't want to write that much.  I'm too excited about all this free time I have in the evenings now that I'm on internship! 

Sorry It Has Been So Long

It has been exactly one week since the last time I posted.  I apologize.  I have been fairly exhausted by the time I get home at night.  Working in three schools keeps me busy for sure...one in particular, VERY BUSY.

I have to say first of all that when I worked in Nebraska I thought they were behind the times....then I moved to Kansas.  Now don't get me wrong there are a few positives, like Lawrence, KS and it's pretty here.  People are nice for the most part... when they're not trying to convert you to their religion.  It's been an experience to say the least.  But what surprised me the most was how behind they are in how things are supposed to be done these days with regard to general education and special education.  In Kansas (or at least in some of the schools I work in) children should be seen and not heard, be seated at all times, always be paying attention, be still when seated, recess is something that is earned for good behavior, students who struggle in any subject can only receive additional services if they have a special education label, oh and some schools even have seclusion rooms (which are not used for what you might think, or at least what I thought). 

The seclusion room thing really floored me.  When I first saw them I thought, "Wow, I wonder what kind of students they have here that they would need something like that for."  I thought it would only be used for students who really fly off the handle and run the risk of hurting others (either intentionally or unintentionally) or hurting themselves.  I was wrong.  No, these rooms are for punishment.  The kids get put in there when they don't listen, when they are running around the room and climbing under tables (which surprisingly enough did not even disturb the other students in the classroom, nope, just the adults).  Things are very "traditional" down here and in that sense I mean the 20th century..."refer, test, place"..."wait to fail" way of doing things.

The good thing though is that I work for a separate entity.  I am not an employee of the schools I work in per se.  I am employed by an outside service provider that is mainly funded by grants and such.  Our mentality and beliefs about the way things should be done are much more progressive (thank heavens, or I never would have taken this job).  Also, I think it's kind of exciting.  It's definitely going to be challenging, but I love that part about it.  Because in the end, hopefully, I can turn around and see that there has been change; that I influenced that change in some small way...hopefully.  Two out of my three schools are really getting closer to making that change.  I'm so excited to be a part of it.  I really hope I can help them...if they are willing to accept it that is.  I think most of them are. 

Thus, it's been a very busy beginning and probably will continue to be that way.  But I am thrilled to have these experiences because I am always learning.  I love my job!

first week and no tearful breakdown

This is definitely a first.  Any first week in my program has always been the hardest, the most overwhelming.  But this week was very different.  Although I have been a bit stressed it hasn't been overwhelming.  I have felt competent and confident.  I've had to go toe-to-toe with an administrator already but it hasn't phased me...yet. 

I made it through the first week.  Today I got a hug from a student.  This is what I do this for.  I really hope I can get more time working with the students. All I've been doing thus far is figuring out the process for each of my 3 schools.  I hope eventually that part will die down and I'll be able to get to know my students better.

the first day??????

It's hard to pinpoint the "official first day".  Maybe it's just me, but my "first day" felt like the day I walked into new staff "training".  It really wasn't so much training as it was getting to know the handbook and my co-newbies.  I appreciate it though.  Being able to meet fellow noobs, even though only one was a School Psych and she's actually in her first year as opposed to an internship, really helped me feel a lot more at ease.  At least I like to believe that.  In complete honesty I really think that my program worked me to the bone and I was ruthlessly prepared for my internship to be more like my first year.  As many tears as it took and nights of doubtfulness, I have to say (with MUCH REGRET!, simply because I hate admitting other people are right) that it really was worth it....that I really did come out of this a stronger, better person & practitioner.

Today I finally learned "the process", like when I get a referral what next?, if it's a re-eval what next?, etc.  It varies from place to place.  I think I am lucky to have such a supportive team of fellow School Psychs who are willing to help me out.  They had to go through their first years in utter distress and don't wish that upon me.  I appreciate that!  Wow do I appreciate that.  I don't understand why it is that I come to find these golden opportunities, but alas I do and from them I learn so many things I can't even count.  I can't do enough or say enough for them to truly know how much I appreciate them.

So, here I am.  It's Monday and tomorrow I start my sort of-official first day.  I plan to travel to my district school, hang out at the elementary for half the day then mosey on over to the high school.  So far there is controversy, a little apprehension, and opportunity blazing the horizon of my life and I couldn't be more excited and nervous at the same time.  But here I go stepping into the future that is my own...and I couldn't feel more prepared.

Yes I'm an Intern but a highly trained one

So I am running into this issue now where apparently no one aside from the woman who interviewed me and hired me knows that I am doing my internship during this school year.  I have been telling people when it comes up or when they ask about my experience etc., but I hear that guilty voice inside my head anyway.

Do I just come right out first thing and tell everyone I come across that I am just an intern or should I just do what I do and tell people when it's needed?  I debate because I don't want the people I work with to think less of me for being just an intern.  I am well trained thanks to my program and being an intern feels more like the first year, but I don't have the Ed.S. and am only working under a provisional license.

I think I should let people know I am an intern.  I don't want to wait until something goes wrong to tell people, but on the other hand I worry that if I just come right out and say it that people will assume that I am telling them so that they don't expect as much from me.  Even after years of experience I will not know everything and I know I still have a LOT to learn, especially in the area of Autism and Alternative Assessment, but I don't want people to assume that I am incompetent just because of that label INTERN.

Expanding Horizons

My first day starting work was basically Aug. 4th.  (Trainings and staff orientations etc.)  Since I started I've been trying to figure out the most profound way to illustrate how I've felt thus far.  Should I be afraid?  I don't know.  But I'm really not and I know who I have to thank for that.  Let me embellish...

Prior to my first day of practicum I was petrified.  I mean that literally.  My heart pounded and I was scared stupid.  After the first few weeks things eased a bit, but even after that it was challenging at times.  The most challenging part for me I think was believing in myself. 

I wish I could do something or say something that would be able to express how thankful I am for my practicum supervisor.  I truly believe that he taught me more in that one year than I've learned in my whole program.  He is so incredibly intelligent and though he doesn't like to admit that he's good with counseling he really is.  I got to a breaking point at one time and though I tried my hardest to fight back the tears I could not.  But he never made me feel stupid or embarassed for doing so.  He gave validation to my feelings and understood my passion for being successful in my career.  Then he told me what I could do to improve myself.  I took it all in with an open mind and heart.  I don't think I would be in the mental place I am right now if it weren't for his amazing support.  He helped me to really believe that I can do this and do it well. 

For that I thank you with all my heart.  If you are ever reading this you know who you are.

For others, I really hope that your own practicum experiences can be as gratifying as mine was, if not, fight to make them what you need!  This is your future and the future of the students you serve at stake here so do your best, be your best, and believe in yourself!

surreal

Fellow SP's might be able to relate to the feeling I'm feeling.  Graduate school has definitely not been a party.  It's been probably the hardest thing I've ever attempted in my life thus far.  I can't even tell you the number of times I was this close  ----> | | to giving up.  I never thought I would make it this far.  To a certain extent I suppose there was some belief, but now that I am here I am in disbelief. 

It brings me back again to comment on the important of collaboration and support.  I developed very close friendships with my cohorts.  We were all each other had to cope with the demands of getting through our program.  When one of us would fall in tears (I never did see any guys cry so I suppose this only pertains to the women) and discouragement someone would be there to lift them up and remind them why we are doing this.  We are here going through this struggle because our passion is the children of our society and doing whatever we can to help them feel successful in their own lives.  These children are the future of the world. 

This is real.  I've finally made it to internship.  One more school year of struggle in an attempt to complete my degree and then...well then I will walk down that isle in my cap and gown with more pride than I can contain.  I'm sure my eyes will me wet and my heart full of joy.  And I never would have been able to do it without the support of my amazing friends/colleagues (and my husband).  For what it's worth I thank you all and cherish every moment we had.  You will forever have a piece of my heart.

"The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children.”-- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Mandt & Maslow

Today I went to the first of two sessions for the Mandt Training.  Now that I've been through the first day I feel like I better understand what it actually is.  It's basically a problem-solving method for situations where a student's behavior becomes escalated (primarily in anger).  When behaviors become escalated things can quickly spin out of control where the student can easily harm themselves or harm others.  The whole first day of training was focused on steps to de-escalate the student before any restraint has to be used. 

For me, these basic steps were more of a refresher for my summer hiatus.  They discussed Maslow's Hierarchy of needs and the reality of the fact that if we have a student who is at the bottom of the hierarchy it's simply preposterous for us to expect them to get anywhere in thier academics.  Academics (Achievement) is placed much higher on the pyramid, close to self-actualization.  Of course!  It seems like common sense to many of us (School Psychs, Para Educators, Sped Teachers, etc.).  But alas, common sense is not so common.  

It also leads me again to wonder what is teacher education like and why are they missing out on these very foundational mental health needs?  What exactly do they teach teachers?  How do they not know developmental stages, cognitive development, etc?  But then I think, well if they knew all that stuff already they probably wouldn't need School Psychs.  Even as SP's we cannot possibly know everything or be trained in everything.  The human is a very complex being and to understand it in its entirety...well we would probably be in school until the day we die.  And that doesn't even count the real-life experiences that confound what we are taught from books and lecture.  Humans cannot be bound into neat little packages.  This is why it is so important, vital to any amount of success, to be able to work as a team!  We have to be there for each other professionally because there is so much we can learn from one another and do to support each other.  It really does take a "village" to raise a child.  But I digress.

Back to the point.  It seems that as adults we tend to forget the children are people too.  Just like us, when they are in crisis they cannot begin to think about addition or reading.  First must come mental health then the rest will fall into place.  It seems so simple, yet our society tries so hard to deny us this.  It is deemed an unnecessary cost, a distraction, for sissies. But the proof is there in research over and over again.  We absolutely must have mental health supports as a core service in our education system.  Otherwise we are all just simply putting a band-aid on a gaping wound the size of the grand canyon.

One more day left of summer

And we're off!  The school season is about to begin starting with trainings and meetings for two weeks (for me at least). 

I start with Mandt training.  For those who don't know what this is (I didn't) it is s a systematic training program designed to help you descalate yourself and other people.

http://www.mandtsystem.com/


Since I have not yet gone through the training I can't clearly define or really understand what this would be used for in my job other than restraining students who fly off the handle.  Once I get through the training I will report back on what I think about it. 


So here we go.  I signed up for my employee benefits last week.  That also was a first for me as I have been one of the millions of US citizens who had to go without medical insurance.  That was for about 4 years.  It's certainly a large expense, but I suppose a necessary one.

Soon I will start making connections with co-workers, learning the culture of my schools, and working to help others understand what I do as a School Psychologist.  It has become apparent that many (if not the majority) of people who work in the education system haven't the slightest idea what I do or what I am trained to do.  School Psychologists and organizations for SP's really need to work on this exposure, but until then it's one step at a time.

This year's goals for the intern: 1. Systems Change Case Study
                                                   2. Behavioral Intervention Case Study
                                                   3. Academic Intervention Case Study
                                                   4. Advocacy

Living in the Community You Work In

So when we get ready to move on from the lecture to the field work we must ask the question, "Should I live in the community I work in?"  Many will say "yes", even the ones who currently don't reside in the same community they work in.  Perhaps, this is not an issue for most.  Many do not mind the blur between work and personal life.

I have not really answered this question for myself.  There are good arguments for it, and good arguments against it.  My biggest concern is conflict of interest.  At this point in my life I don't have any children so it won't be too difficult to keep that professional line drawn.  Living right in the community you work in though might prove to be an issue.  One can no longer go outside or around town without being recognized, talked to, or possibily asked questions about work that should not be discussed in public.

The service I work for recently switched my schools and I will now be working right here in my own town.  I am excited that it will be less drive time and less gas to burn, but there is still that worry about my personal life conflicting with my professional life.  It is a VERY small town.  I enjoy my privacy.  Will I be able to keep it?

Comments on this topic are welcome. 

waiting to exhale

Still waiting on word from KSDE.  I had to send them an official copy of my Praxis scores.  I forget about bureaucracy.  Things have to be just so.

I have been reading "Creative Interventions with Traumatized Children" by: Cathy A. Malchiodi.  Amazing book.  Greats ideas for therapeutic intervention using various forms of art.  I have to admit though, the case studies sometimes make me a bit teary. 

License Stuff..check...internship contract...check

Well it takes some effort to get the ball rolling when you're going to be working in a different state then you go to school in.  I am in the final semesters of graduate school at the University of Nebraska at Kearney.  I have spent 3 years of my life here on a roller coaster.  In the end I am thankful for having had such an incredible experience and education. 

So the internship contract is in my supervisors box and the Kansas Provisional Licensure documents are in the mail.  Tomorrow my husband and I finish packing up the rest of our life and drive 5.5 hours to Kansas.  Then our life begins again on this new journey in true independence and success.

The Internship Hunt

I started late.  All of my classmates had their internship by April.  I was still interviewing.  What did I learn?  Don't procrastinate.  Don't allow fear to keep you avoiding it.  The brighter side of several interviews is practice!  I had a chance to perfect my self presentation.  I had a chance to build more confidence.  Although the confidence level was a roller coaster ride in and of itself.  I have a lot of people to thank for keeping me going.  My friends and colleagues were always there to encourage me and tell me to keep going.  My practicum supervisor was amazing and encouraged me a great deal.  No matter how much this battle made me want to quit he convinced me not to.  He believed in me so much that I had to pay attention to it.  If there are so many people who believe in me....well, then why can't I believe in myself.  And that made all the difference.  Believing in myself got me the job I had wanted all along.  By the time I got to that interview I had practiced 2 already.  It went wonderful and now I am working on getting my provisional license in Kansas.  I found my destination after all.  This long hard road does have a light at the end.

About this Blog

I am just starting out as a School Psychologist. This upcoming school year, 2010-2011, I will be out on internship. Finally, I will get to be in the schools every day of the week and get PAID!!  I am relocating from my home of 7 years in Nebraska to a new state.  Off to Kansas we GO!  By this time next year I will be blogging as a Nationally Certified School Psychologist!

This blog with focus primarily on my experiences around being a School Psychologist. There are many issues that we face daily and sometimes people just don't talk about the impact it makes on our profession and individually.

Most recently I was deeply troubled by hearing of another school psych who had been accused of sexually inappropriate conduct with a student. This accusation was thrown at him by the mother of a child, of whom she did not want services for. The accusation turned out to be completely false. But it is frightening the power of those kinds of accusations, particularly if you are a male. A false accusation of this nature could put a person out of a job for good; true or not. People tend to lose all rationality when it comes to sex and children.

It's a scary world we live in and the people in helping professions tend to be the most vulnerable to accusations like these. We forget that we have to be careful and somewhat paranoid. It's a shame we have to be that way, but protect yourself.