Sorry It Has Been So Long

It has been exactly one week since the last time I posted.  I apologize.  I have been fairly exhausted by the time I get home at night.  Working in three schools keeps me busy for sure...one in particular, VERY BUSY.

I have to say first of all that when I worked in Nebraska I thought they were behind the times....then I moved to Kansas.  Now don't get me wrong there are a few positives, like Lawrence, KS and it's pretty here.  People are nice for the most part... when they're not trying to convert you to their religion.  It's been an experience to say the least.  But what surprised me the most was how behind they are in how things are supposed to be done these days with regard to general education and special education.  In Kansas (or at least in some of the schools I work in) children should be seen and not heard, be seated at all times, always be paying attention, be still when seated, recess is something that is earned for good behavior, students who struggle in any subject can only receive additional services if they have a special education label, oh and some schools even have seclusion rooms (which are not used for what you might think, or at least what I thought). 

The seclusion room thing really floored me.  When I first saw them I thought, "Wow, I wonder what kind of students they have here that they would need something like that for."  I thought it would only be used for students who really fly off the handle and run the risk of hurting others (either intentionally or unintentionally) or hurting themselves.  I was wrong.  No, these rooms are for punishment.  The kids get put in there when they don't listen, when they are running around the room and climbing under tables (which surprisingly enough did not even disturb the other students in the classroom, nope, just the adults).  Things are very "traditional" down here and in that sense I mean the 20th century..."refer, test, place"..."wait to fail" way of doing things.

The good thing though is that I work for a separate entity.  I am not an employee of the schools I work in per se.  I am employed by an outside service provider that is mainly funded by grants and such.  Our mentality and beliefs about the way things should be done are much more progressive (thank heavens, or I never would have taken this job).  Also, I think it's kind of exciting.  It's definitely going to be challenging, but I love that part about it.  Because in the end, hopefully, I can turn around and see that there has been change; that I influenced that change in some small way...hopefully.  Two out of my three schools are really getting closer to making that change.  I'm so excited to be a part of it.  I really hope I can help them...if they are willing to accept it that is.  I think most of them are. 

Thus, it's been a very busy beginning and probably will continue to be that way.  But I am thrilled to have these experiences because I am always learning.  I love my job!

first week and no tearful breakdown

This is definitely a first.  Any first week in my program has always been the hardest, the most overwhelming.  But this week was very different.  Although I have been a bit stressed it hasn't been overwhelming.  I have felt competent and confident.  I've had to go toe-to-toe with an administrator already but it hasn't phased me...yet. 

I made it through the first week.  Today I got a hug from a student.  This is what I do this for.  I really hope I can get more time working with the students. All I've been doing thus far is figuring out the process for each of my 3 schools.  I hope eventually that part will die down and I'll be able to get to know my students better.

the first day??????

It's hard to pinpoint the "official first day".  Maybe it's just me, but my "first day" felt like the day I walked into new staff "training".  It really wasn't so much training as it was getting to know the handbook and my co-newbies.  I appreciate it though.  Being able to meet fellow noobs, even though only one was a School Psych and she's actually in her first year as opposed to an internship, really helped me feel a lot more at ease.  At least I like to believe that.  In complete honesty I really think that my program worked me to the bone and I was ruthlessly prepared for my internship to be more like my first year.  As many tears as it took and nights of doubtfulness, I have to say (with MUCH REGRET!, simply because I hate admitting other people are right) that it really was worth it....that I really did come out of this a stronger, better person & practitioner.

Today I finally learned "the process", like when I get a referral what next?, if it's a re-eval what next?, etc.  It varies from place to place.  I think I am lucky to have such a supportive team of fellow School Psychs who are willing to help me out.  They had to go through their first years in utter distress and don't wish that upon me.  I appreciate that!  Wow do I appreciate that.  I don't understand why it is that I come to find these golden opportunities, but alas I do and from them I learn so many things I can't even count.  I can't do enough or say enough for them to truly know how much I appreciate them.

So, here I am.  It's Monday and tomorrow I start my sort of-official first day.  I plan to travel to my district school, hang out at the elementary for half the day then mosey on over to the high school.  So far there is controversy, a little apprehension, and opportunity blazing the horizon of my life and I couldn't be more excited and nervous at the same time.  But here I go stepping into the future that is my own...and I couldn't feel more prepared.

Yes I'm an Intern but a highly trained one

So I am running into this issue now where apparently no one aside from the woman who interviewed me and hired me knows that I am doing my internship during this school year.  I have been telling people when it comes up or when they ask about my experience etc., but I hear that guilty voice inside my head anyway.

Do I just come right out first thing and tell everyone I come across that I am just an intern or should I just do what I do and tell people when it's needed?  I debate because I don't want the people I work with to think less of me for being just an intern.  I am well trained thanks to my program and being an intern feels more like the first year, but I don't have the Ed.S. and am only working under a provisional license.

I think I should let people know I am an intern.  I don't want to wait until something goes wrong to tell people, but on the other hand I worry that if I just come right out and say it that people will assume that I am telling them so that they don't expect as much from me.  Even after years of experience I will not know everything and I know I still have a LOT to learn, especially in the area of Autism and Alternative Assessment, but I don't want people to assume that I am incompetent just because of that label INTERN.

Expanding Horizons

My first day starting work was basically Aug. 4th.  (Trainings and staff orientations etc.)  Since I started I've been trying to figure out the most profound way to illustrate how I've felt thus far.  Should I be afraid?  I don't know.  But I'm really not and I know who I have to thank for that.  Let me embellish...

Prior to my first day of practicum I was petrified.  I mean that literally.  My heart pounded and I was scared stupid.  After the first few weeks things eased a bit, but even after that it was challenging at times.  The most challenging part for me I think was believing in myself. 

I wish I could do something or say something that would be able to express how thankful I am for my practicum supervisor.  I truly believe that he taught me more in that one year than I've learned in my whole program.  He is so incredibly intelligent and though he doesn't like to admit that he's good with counseling he really is.  I got to a breaking point at one time and though I tried my hardest to fight back the tears I could not.  But he never made me feel stupid or embarassed for doing so.  He gave validation to my feelings and understood my passion for being successful in my career.  Then he told me what I could do to improve myself.  I took it all in with an open mind and heart.  I don't think I would be in the mental place I am right now if it weren't for his amazing support.  He helped me to really believe that I can do this and do it well. 

For that I thank you with all my heart.  If you are ever reading this you know who you are.

For others, I really hope that your own practicum experiences can be as gratifying as mine was, if not, fight to make them what you need!  This is your future and the future of the students you serve at stake here so do your best, be your best, and believe in yourself!

surreal

Fellow SP's might be able to relate to the feeling I'm feeling.  Graduate school has definitely not been a party.  It's been probably the hardest thing I've ever attempted in my life thus far.  I can't even tell you the number of times I was this close  ----> | | to giving up.  I never thought I would make it this far.  To a certain extent I suppose there was some belief, but now that I am here I am in disbelief. 

It brings me back again to comment on the important of collaboration and support.  I developed very close friendships with my cohorts.  We were all each other had to cope with the demands of getting through our program.  When one of us would fall in tears (I never did see any guys cry so I suppose this only pertains to the women) and discouragement someone would be there to lift them up and remind them why we are doing this.  We are here going through this struggle because our passion is the children of our society and doing whatever we can to help them feel successful in their own lives.  These children are the future of the world. 

This is real.  I've finally made it to internship.  One more school year of struggle in an attempt to complete my degree and then...well then I will walk down that isle in my cap and gown with more pride than I can contain.  I'm sure my eyes will me wet and my heart full of joy.  And I never would have been able to do it without the support of my amazing friends/colleagues (and my husband).  For what it's worth I thank you all and cherish every moment we had.  You will forever have a piece of my heart.

"The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children.”-- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Mandt & Maslow

Today I went to the first of two sessions for the Mandt Training.  Now that I've been through the first day I feel like I better understand what it actually is.  It's basically a problem-solving method for situations where a student's behavior becomes escalated (primarily in anger).  When behaviors become escalated things can quickly spin out of control where the student can easily harm themselves or harm others.  The whole first day of training was focused on steps to de-escalate the student before any restraint has to be used. 

For me, these basic steps were more of a refresher for my summer hiatus.  They discussed Maslow's Hierarchy of needs and the reality of the fact that if we have a student who is at the bottom of the hierarchy it's simply preposterous for us to expect them to get anywhere in thier academics.  Academics (Achievement) is placed much higher on the pyramid, close to self-actualization.  Of course!  It seems like common sense to many of us (School Psychs, Para Educators, Sped Teachers, etc.).  But alas, common sense is not so common.  

It also leads me again to wonder what is teacher education like and why are they missing out on these very foundational mental health needs?  What exactly do they teach teachers?  How do they not know developmental stages, cognitive development, etc?  But then I think, well if they knew all that stuff already they probably wouldn't need School Psychs.  Even as SP's we cannot possibly know everything or be trained in everything.  The human is a very complex being and to understand it in its entirety...well we would probably be in school until the day we die.  And that doesn't even count the real-life experiences that confound what we are taught from books and lecture.  Humans cannot be bound into neat little packages.  This is why it is so important, vital to any amount of success, to be able to work as a team!  We have to be there for each other professionally because there is so much we can learn from one another and do to support each other.  It really does take a "village" to raise a child.  But I digress.

Back to the point.  It seems that as adults we tend to forget the children are people too.  Just like us, when they are in crisis they cannot begin to think about addition or reading.  First must come mental health then the rest will fall into place.  It seems so simple, yet our society tries so hard to deny us this.  It is deemed an unnecessary cost, a distraction, for sissies. But the proof is there in research over and over again.  We absolutely must have mental health supports as a core service in our education system.  Otherwise we are all just simply putting a band-aid on a gaping wound the size of the grand canyon.

One more day left of summer

And we're off!  The school season is about to begin starting with trainings and meetings for two weeks (for me at least). 

I start with Mandt training.  For those who don't know what this is (I didn't) it is s a systematic training program designed to help you descalate yourself and other people.

http://www.mandtsystem.com/


Since I have not yet gone through the training I can't clearly define or really understand what this would be used for in my job other than restraining students who fly off the handle.  Once I get through the training I will report back on what I think about it. 


So here we go.  I signed up for my employee benefits last week.  That also was a first for me as I have been one of the millions of US citizens who had to go without medical insurance.  That was for about 4 years.  It's certainly a large expense, but I suppose a necessary one.

Soon I will start making connections with co-workers, learning the culture of my schools, and working to help others understand what I do as a School Psychologist.  It has become apparent that many (if not the majority) of people who work in the education system haven't the slightest idea what I do or what I am trained to do.  School Psychologists and organizations for SP's really need to work on this exposure, but until then it's one step at a time.

This year's goals for the intern: 1. Systems Change Case Study
                                                   2. Behavioral Intervention Case Study
                                                   3. Academic Intervention Case Study
                                                   4. Advocacy