My Mama Always Said There'd Be Days Like These

Today I put my hand in a puddle of pee, got spit flicked at me, last week I got scratched and bit.  There was one student in the office screaming his lungs out, 3 kids in the seclusion rooms beating the crap out of the doors, and I got to be right smack in the middle of it all.  The thing is though, I didn't have a "bad" day per se.  I helped kids today.  I helped one little guy who had an accident, I helped another student calm down from a fit of rage, and I did a kindergarten screening.

I realize this is short, but I've worked my brain so much today that the previous paragraph is all I can come up with.  It also comes with a great big smile and a fullfilling sense of accomplishment.  Who knew I'd ever be happy about accidently putting my hand in a puddle of urine.

1,032 Students is 1,032 Opportunities to Learn

Again I have allowed my blogging times to be too long in between. I've had a lot going on.  By the time I get home and quit working my brain has turned to mush.

I serve 1.5 districts.  One whole district and the elementary/middle school in another.  My base school is the elementary/middle school.  (I call that my happy place.) Combined I serve approximately 1,032 students.    I can sum up some of the most profound things I've learned thus far.

1. I like working in elementary/middle school (E/MS) ages more than high school ages.  The E/MS students (for the most part) already treat you with respect when you walk in the door.  They like you without knowing you and will surprise you with how open they are despite the fact that they don't know you.  High school students hate you the second you walk in and you have to either work hard to earn their respect or just try to avoid them.  I haven't decided which one I plan on doing yet.  I'm afraid that this might be more of a talent than a skill, and I may not have the talent to work well with this age group.  Time will tell......

2. Be careful about what you say, when you say it, and who you're saying it to!  Thus far I haven't stuck my foot in my mouth yet, but I've come close many times.  Let's hope I learn from these almost oopsies.

3. Every morning I hit the ground running and work until I can't work anymore...why?  Because I love this job so much!

4. Systems Change and Buy-In are the most difficult things to get in this job.

There's a lot more I've learned, but honestly I don't want to write that much.  I'm too excited about all this free time I have in the evenings now that I'm on internship! 

Sorry It Has Been So Long

It has been exactly one week since the last time I posted.  I apologize.  I have been fairly exhausted by the time I get home at night.  Working in three schools keeps me busy for sure...one in particular, VERY BUSY.

I have to say first of all that when I worked in Nebraska I thought they were behind the times....then I moved to Kansas.  Now don't get me wrong there are a few positives, like Lawrence, KS and it's pretty here.  People are nice for the most part... when they're not trying to convert you to their religion.  It's been an experience to say the least.  But what surprised me the most was how behind they are in how things are supposed to be done these days with regard to general education and special education.  In Kansas (or at least in some of the schools I work in) children should be seen and not heard, be seated at all times, always be paying attention, be still when seated, recess is something that is earned for good behavior, students who struggle in any subject can only receive additional services if they have a special education label, oh and some schools even have seclusion rooms (which are not used for what you might think, or at least what I thought). 

The seclusion room thing really floored me.  When I first saw them I thought, "Wow, I wonder what kind of students they have here that they would need something like that for."  I thought it would only be used for students who really fly off the handle and run the risk of hurting others (either intentionally or unintentionally) or hurting themselves.  I was wrong.  No, these rooms are for punishment.  The kids get put in there when they don't listen, when they are running around the room and climbing under tables (which surprisingly enough did not even disturb the other students in the classroom, nope, just the adults).  Things are very "traditional" down here and in that sense I mean the 20th century..."refer, test, place"..."wait to fail" way of doing things.

The good thing though is that I work for a separate entity.  I am not an employee of the schools I work in per se.  I am employed by an outside service provider that is mainly funded by grants and such.  Our mentality and beliefs about the way things should be done are much more progressive (thank heavens, or I never would have taken this job).  Also, I think it's kind of exciting.  It's definitely going to be challenging, but I love that part about it.  Because in the end, hopefully, I can turn around and see that there has been change; that I influenced that change in some small way...hopefully.  Two out of my three schools are really getting closer to making that change.  I'm so excited to be a part of it.  I really hope I can help them...if they are willing to accept it that is.  I think most of them are. 

Thus, it's been a very busy beginning and probably will continue to be that way.  But I am thrilled to have these experiences because I am always learning.  I love my job!

first week and no tearful breakdown

This is definitely a first.  Any first week in my program has always been the hardest, the most overwhelming.  But this week was very different.  Although I have been a bit stressed it hasn't been overwhelming.  I have felt competent and confident.  I've had to go toe-to-toe with an administrator already but it hasn't phased me...yet. 

I made it through the first week.  Today I got a hug from a student.  This is what I do this for.  I really hope I can get more time working with the students. All I've been doing thus far is figuring out the process for each of my 3 schools.  I hope eventually that part will die down and I'll be able to get to know my students better.

the first day??????

It's hard to pinpoint the "official first day".  Maybe it's just me, but my "first day" felt like the day I walked into new staff "training".  It really wasn't so much training as it was getting to know the handbook and my co-newbies.  I appreciate it though.  Being able to meet fellow noobs, even though only one was a School Psych and she's actually in her first year as opposed to an internship, really helped me feel a lot more at ease.  At least I like to believe that.  In complete honesty I really think that my program worked me to the bone and I was ruthlessly prepared for my internship to be more like my first year.  As many tears as it took and nights of doubtfulness, I have to say (with MUCH REGRET!, simply because I hate admitting other people are right) that it really was worth it....that I really did come out of this a stronger, better person & practitioner.

Today I finally learned "the process", like when I get a referral what next?, if it's a re-eval what next?, etc.  It varies from place to place.  I think I am lucky to have such a supportive team of fellow School Psychs who are willing to help me out.  They had to go through their first years in utter distress and don't wish that upon me.  I appreciate that!  Wow do I appreciate that.  I don't understand why it is that I come to find these golden opportunities, but alas I do and from them I learn so many things I can't even count.  I can't do enough or say enough for them to truly know how much I appreciate them.

So, here I am.  It's Monday and tomorrow I start my sort of-official first day.  I plan to travel to my district school, hang out at the elementary for half the day then mosey on over to the high school.  So far there is controversy, a little apprehension, and opportunity blazing the horizon of my life and I couldn't be more excited and nervous at the same time.  But here I go stepping into the future that is my own...and I couldn't feel more prepared.

Yes I'm an Intern but a highly trained one

So I am running into this issue now where apparently no one aside from the woman who interviewed me and hired me knows that I am doing my internship during this school year.  I have been telling people when it comes up or when they ask about my experience etc., but I hear that guilty voice inside my head anyway.

Do I just come right out first thing and tell everyone I come across that I am just an intern or should I just do what I do and tell people when it's needed?  I debate because I don't want the people I work with to think less of me for being just an intern.  I am well trained thanks to my program and being an intern feels more like the first year, but I don't have the Ed.S. and am only working under a provisional license.

I think I should let people know I am an intern.  I don't want to wait until something goes wrong to tell people, but on the other hand I worry that if I just come right out and say it that people will assume that I am telling them so that they don't expect as much from me.  Even after years of experience I will not know everything and I know I still have a LOT to learn, especially in the area of Autism and Alternative Assessment, but I don't want people to assume that I am incompetent just because of that label INTERN.

Expanding Horizons

My first day starting work was basically Aug. 4th.  (Trainings and staff orientations etc.)  Since I started I've been trying to figure out the most profound way to illustrate how I've felt thus far.  Should I be afraid?  I don't know.  But I'm really not and I know who I have to thank for that.  Let me embellish...

Prior to my first day of practicum I was petrified.  I mean that literally.  My heart pounded and I was scared stupid.  After the first few weeks things eased a bit, but even after that it was challenging at times.  The most challenging part for me I think was believing in myself. 

I wish I could do something or say something that would be able to express how thankful I am for my practicum supervisor.  I truly believe that he taught me more in that one year than I've learned in my whole program.  He is so incredibly intelligent and though he doesn't like to admit that he's good with counseling he really is.  I got to a breaking point at one time and though I tried my hardest to fight back the tears I could not.  But he never made me feel stupid or embarassed for doing so.  He gave validation to my feelings and understood my passion for being successful in my career.  Then he told me what I could do to improve myself.  I took it all in with an open mind and heart.  I don't think I would be in the mental place I am right now if it weren't for his amazing support.  He helped me to really believe that I can do this and do it well. 

For that I thank you with all my heart.  If you are ever reading this you know who you are.

For others, I really hope that your own practicum experiences can be as gratifying as mine was, if not, fight to make them what you need!  This is your future and the future of the students you serve at stake here so do your best, be your best, and believe in yourself!